


Fuck

by BlueTiger788



Category: No Fandom
Genre: tw in notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:21:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27114613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueTiger788/pseuds/BlueTiger788
Summary: Fuck





	Fuck

**Author's Note:**

> TW:  
> Suicidal thoughts(slight)  
> Feeling trapped

Fuck  
I can’t exist in this room for a second  
Without feeling like its closing in on me  
The weight in my chest refuses to move  
The bags on my eyes keep getting worse  
I don’t want to feel like this anymore  
I can’t do this for much longer  
I’ve survived a lot  
Lord knows the shit I’ve seen  
But this is too much even for me  
Can’t breathe without feeling like I’m doing something wrong  
Got nothing for myself anymore  
It's hers or theirs or just not fucking mine  
I’m not my own person anymore am I?  
I never am  
Feels like they were a fever dream  
Feels like my recovery was a trip  
Feels like I’m right back where I fucking started  
Cracked and breaking and no one can fucking help  
Do they even want to?  
I’m stranded while surrounded by people I should know  
I’m alone and yet never at peace  
I can’t get a moment for myself  
Can’t get away from the guilt that threatens to sweep me away  
I miss them and I don’t wanna move on  
They’re so fucking far  
I should’ve stayed home  
I should’ve stayed away  
I should’ve been something different  
I’m stifled and suffocating on my own damn words  
I can’t say shit anymore without blame  
You can’t do this  
You can’t do that  
Fuck off  
I wanna sleep  
I wanna wake up and be with people  
Who actually give a damn  
Who let me be me  
Who don’t tell me who I am is wrong  
Who don’t tell me who I am is shameful  
I’m fucking not  
And the time it took for me to recognize that  
Was too fucking long for this shit  
I just wanna speak without fear  
I just want to have thoughts without guilt  
I don’t want to be like this again  
I can’t be like this again  
I’m breaking and breaking  
And the ones who can help and who care  
Can’t even reach me  
I miss them so fucking much  
I miss feeling like I belong  
I miss feeling free  
I miss feeling like I’m okay  
I miss feeling fucking human  
Not some degenerate they see me as  
I’m more than that  
I refuse to accept that bullshit anymore  
I will not do this shit again  
I will not be reduced to less than I am for the whims of someone else  
I’m fucking better than that  
I am my own god damn person  
Aren’t I?  
Then why is this repeating  
Why am I here again  
I just want to leave  
I just want to feel safe again  
Too much to ask apparently.

Fuck this.


End file.
